What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 02:04
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I have no regrets .
Why am I so triggered and depressed over a minor thing?
But it wasn’t much.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
How do you know when your skirt is too short?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
What is the dirtiest thing you have allowed your husband to do?
Ive learnt so much.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Is it possible to permanently quit pornography?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Why didn’t Obito confront Kakashi after he witnessed him kill Rin?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I don,t even have a pension.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
What was the first Native American tribe to inhabit Long Island, NY?
I waited trembling.
I will be 64.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Does Donald Trump have low self-esteem?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It was going to be , some day.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
While emptying a house, have you ever seen something in it that blew your mind?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Have you ever seen your wife being fucked?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Have you ever had sex with sisters?
One cannot live in the past .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Why is there so much free porn on the internet?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
So, i spoilt her more .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
What did i know ?
And i lived it daily.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Comes on , in middle age.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My family never makes their pension either.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Would this be the day?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I could never make a relationship work though!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We were not on the streets..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As i do to all so called friends.?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She was in good health!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We all went to grammer schools
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
This is soul school!.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I write beautiful poetry .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She found it foreign!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But, we were locked up after school.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was very sick at this time too.
Put me off passion for life!!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
When she asked me how she looked .
I said to her
She married twice! .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was seconnd youngest,
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She loved him until the end.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
(And it was in our own minds.)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Who then, do I blame.?
My life is so biszare .
Im still living with it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was scared of men, in general
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was 9 years of age.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I think the readers, may guess!
He knew the spot.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
All the time i was locked up.
I couldn’t, believe it.
So whats the point in blame.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She wouldn,t have been !
Why did i forgive my father ?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!